This Fellow Gorman

There once was this guy named Jimmy. Jimmy was a simple creature, he enjoyed spending time with his friends, he found joy in the little things like eating raw fish and sliding across large sheets of ice on his stomach. It is also important to note that Jimmy is a Penguin. Now I know what you’re thinking, a penguin?! Yeah.

So this story doesn’t actually start with Jimmy, we must first visit another more, unsavory fellow… Gorman. Now this guy is a real piece of work, he’s the kinda guy to cuss out the barista for putting to many ice cubes in his cold brew… messes with the proportions he’d say. Gorman wasn’t just an ungrateful bastard though, this guy was just plain evil. He wanted to make healthcare free. Can you imagine the damage to economy! No I’m kidding he’s responsible for the death of over five hundred innocent Penguins. Gorman was not a penguin, he was a snail, and a powerful one at that. When he was only four hours old he managed to take down the Holy Insect Cartel of Greater South Africa (terrible name, you see insects are not very smart) and assume control as their Lord Leader. His snail trail was not something you wanted too see as it may have been the last thing you saw.

Really terrifying stuff we are off to a great start but now lets bring this back to our penguin friend. Jimmy was a resident of South Aftica as he was a South African Penguin, have I thrilled you yet? It get’s better… he can talk! Yes that’s right, oh you don’t care… well why would you, no one does. Anyways Jimmy and his friends Tommy Two Shoes, Stevie Cheese and most Importantly Thorgle Wigmole were all hanging out at the beach when the news came.

“Hey Jimbo…” Thorgle gargled in his voluptuous voice. Thorgle was not a penguin like the others. He was an elephant seal… a big hunking elephant seal. I mean hide your fcking daughters because when Thorgle’s in town there is no telling what will happen next... sorta. In reality he is actually very shy, and keeps to himself most of the time. He makes a killer souffle though.

“What’s up Thorg?” Jimmy responded.

“We got a big problem Jimmy, they are saying one of the gates to Penguin City was broke’d and a Lion Seal or two may have made it through…”

“You’re kidding!” Tommy Two Shoes chimed in from behind. He was perched up on a rock practicing his wicked dance moves. Say what you will about Tommy Two shoes but that kid could rock your world on the dance floor. Just last week he was invited to dance with the presidents daughter at the annual Fishmunchers Gala. “Guys what the hell are we going to do. Holy fcking shit. Holy shit a fuking Lion Seal…” Tommy continued hyperventilating and murmuring to himself. When I mentioned saying what you will about Tommy Two Shoes I was generally referring to this type of behavior because bro was not chill.

“Tommy chill out brother.” Stevie Cheese said as he continue laying with his back to the sand, eyes closed and face to the sky. “We can handle a few Lion Seals brother, I’ve got nun-chucks brother. I'll whop those goobers with my chucks.” Stevie was a chiller.